Waiting on spring

So I’m guessing most people are probably as frustrated as I am with the lovely (That’s sarcasm) weather we’ve been having. Sunny and 85 degrees one day, snowing and 32 the next. Not only is it causing our bodies to go into allergy and cold mode but it causes our brains spin around like it’s on a merry-go-round that’s going waaaaaay too fast, the result being the feeling of displeasure and, if you’re anything like me, depression. But as I was talking to Hayden today I realized that somehow this weather reminds me of something else; my own life and spiritual journey. The ups and downs and the back and forth. In fact the ‘one step forward, two steps back’ saying we use for life sounds exactly like the weather we’ve been having. So the question is, is the way we’re handling this weather mirroring how we handle our own spiritual ups and downs? For me the answer is yes. And it’s not with grace and maturity either, it’s with grumbling and whining and lots and lots of complaining. Maybe you’re like me, if you are; keep reading because this is for you. If you’re not like me, you’re still welcome read anyway. Just stop looking down your nose at me okay? Not everyone is perfect. Alrighty now let me get started, all of us go through the four seasons in our spiritual walk with God. The dead looking winters, the warmth of something better coming in spring, the warm sunny summers where we feel like nothing can stop us, and the slower more content periods of fall. Maybe you’re in the winter period, the place where you feel like nothing is happening, the place where you look around and see no color, all you’re doing is trying to stay warm and praying that spring will come soon. But I have something to tell you, winter isn’t all bad. During winter the trees aren’t dead, they’re simply saving up their food for the warmth of spring, winter is a quiet time to reflect and find peace, it’s a time to recharge your batteries and just be still. And those times in our spiritual journey are very important. Instead of trying to get to spring and complaining in your winter, sit back and try to figure out why you’re there. The winter in our walk may seem like God isn’t talking to you or that he doesn’t care, but it’s not that at all, in fact it’s the very opposite. There’s a verse in Exodus that really sums up what I’m trying to say here:

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” -Exodus 14:14

So in your winter, your time out, take that time and be still, listen for what God is trying to tell you, and I’ll say it again, be still. Spring will come, it always does, but since when does wishing for it make it come any faster? It doesn’t, trust me I’ve tried. If you know me you know that I hate winter, I know you do because during winter that’s all I talk about. ’87 more days until spring’ ‘Can someone turn the heater on? I’m freezing’ ‘Oh my gosh I can’t wait till spring’ ’62 more days until spring’ ‘Don’t stand there with the door open! You’re letting all the cold air in!’ ‘Winter is so ugly’ ‘I’m so flippin cold right now’ ‘I just need spring’ ‘I would be happy if winter was just one month long’ ‘Why does it have to be winter’ ‘I want to go to New Zealand where it’s warm’ ‘everything looks how I feel, dead.’ ‘I’m freezing cold’ on and on and ON I complain. I get sick of me by the end. But this winter, while I still complained, I also tried to find the beauty in it. The way the frost looks on the trees, the way the snow sparkles, the stillness of everything, the way our breath makes little puffs in the air when we breath, the crunch of snow under my boots, the  kids laughter as they pound each other with snowballs, the peace and quiet, the way the littlest bit of color would stand out. And while it didn’t make my longing fro spring go away at all, it did help winter become a bit more bearable. What if we did that in our spiritual winters? What if we stopped and really saw it for what it is, not some lonely place where we’re far from God, but somewhere still where, if we stop trying to crawl our way to spring, we’ll hear God. We’ll hear him telling us;

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
-Deuteronomy 31:6

He will never leave you or forsake you, never. So even during your spiritual winter when you feel alone, know that you are not. Another verse that comforts me in my winter times is Romans 8:39 and it says

“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Guys, those aren’t the only verses that say it. He says over and over again that He is with us, that we’re never alone, so hold on to his promises during your winter times and, most importantly, don’t look at your winter period as something to complain about, but as a period where God himself is fighting for you, and all you have to do is just be still. Winter is hard, it really is. But while this may sound backwards, it’s necessary for your growth. To end with though, let me assure you that spring does come. It may take it’s good old time, it may do a one step forward, two steps back jig, but it will come. It always does. I mean do you remember a year without spring? I don’t. I’ll say it again, spring will come. You need only be still.



Growing up in a Christian home I was always told that God made me and that He loves me. But as you hit your teen years you start to wonder Why did God make me? Do I matter? Am I important? Or am I inconsequential??? All those questions have plagued my mind over and over again, morning, noon, or night and if they’ve ever plagued your mind I can confidently tell you that I have all the answers. Just kidding. But I do have some of the answers. Question number uno: Why did God make me? God made you because He has a purpose for you. He does. And despite the fact that it might feel like He doesn’t; if I’ve learned anything it’s that God doesn’t do things without a purpose in mind. That’s just not His style. And it’s not just my hope or my opinion that He has a purpose for each and every one of us, but I have proof. What proof? Well what else; The B-I-B-L-E. Yep I totally just hit you with a Sunday school “Jesus, God, the Bible” answer but I am in no way ashamed of it. If you’re ever feeling like you don’t have purpose, that you’re inconsequential and that there is no way on earth that God could ever use you, I have good news for you; My God isn’t from this earth and You. Are. Wrong. Just open up your Bible for Petes sake! He used some of the most annoying, lowly, just awful people He could have ever used. He used a really annoying and bragging kid named Joseph, He used a harlot named Rahab, He used a womanizer named Samson, He used a scaredy cat named Jonah, He used a little Shepard boy named David, He used a fisherman named Peter and a Christian killer named Saul. The list goes on and on and no matter who you are and no matter what you’ve done He has a purpose for you, He can use you, and you are not inconsequential. I’ll share a verse that we hear a lot in Church, but one that clearly sums up what I’ve been rambling on about for a couple paragraphs. It’s Jeremiah 29:11 and it says

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

I could just end there, I mean it literally says it all, but instead let’s move on to question number dos: Do I matter? Of course you matter! If God has a purpose and a plan for you than you matter. But more than that, just remember; God created you, you, and He doesn’t create screw ups. Sometimes you might think he does but once again you. are. wrong. It’s okay though because I’m wrong a lot too and I think the exact same thoughts (That’s exactly why I’m writing this blog) But again, instead of arguing my opinion on the matter I’ll once again show you God’s in Psalm 139:13-16

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” -Psalm 139:13-16

Question number tres: Am I important? So I’ve told you why God created you, I’ve told you that you matter but now there’s the question of Am I important? Of course the answer is yes. Yes you are important. Important enough for God to not only breath life into you, but to breath his last breath for you (Spoiler alert: Okay it wasn’t actually His last breath. He came back to life. But for a whole three days people really thought He had. I mean they were convinced, but luckily for you and me they were wrong too ;p). He has a purpose for you, He created you, He died for you. What more can He do to show you that you’re important??? Because let me tell you, God doesn’t just send His Son to die for someone who isn’t important. That’s just not how that works. Are we worthy? No. But are we important to Him? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. The classic verse you see and read everywhere, the one you don’t even remember memorizing you’ve known it so long: John 3:16 says (Drum roll please)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” -John 3:16

When it says “The world” it’s talking about you. “For God so loved you that he gave his one and only Son…” And now for the very last question and the one that I ask myself so often: Am I inconsequential? The answer to that question is a question in itself. How could you be? The God who created the heavens and the Earth, the most Amazing and Awesome God, The one true God, the beginning and the end, the healer and the Savior of the world: That God created you, He has a plan for your life, He died for you, and He loves you. He loves you. And I can assure you that you are not inconsequential. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you matter, you are important, and you are loved. Don’t doubt it, and don’t ever, ever forget it.




relationships. whooooo-hooooo! I’m going to admit, I kind of wanted to take the easy way out and just write a fun recap of my recent trip to Nashville haha:) but here I am, writing about relationships. I’ll start with saying that this blog isn’t just going to be about romantic relationships. I feel like whenever we hear the word relationship, we immediately think of romance. I also want to say that I am no expert when it comes to relationships- any kind of relationships. but I have learned a few things in my short 16 years of life and I’m going to do my best to share them with you. so here we gooooooo:)

the first relationship that we need to talk about is our relationship with Christ. that is of the upmost importance. I know that sounds like such a churchy thing to say. and I guess it is. but it’s also true. we tend to focus on our relationships with others before we focus on our relationship with Christ. I think every one of us is guilty of that. I know I am. and I also know that that just doesn’t work. you can’t have a good, healthy relationship with other people until your relationship with Jesus is where it needs to be. coming from someone who loves people and loves to meet new friends, that can sometimes take the place of God. don’t let that happen. don’t “need” other people so much that you forget who you really need- HIM. so need Him first. seek Him first. put your relationship with Him first and every other relationship will fall into place.

the second relationship is your relationship with your family. ew. who wants to talk about that, right? I mean, we’re basically forced to have a relationship with them. we’re with them everyyyy singleeeee dayyyy. don’t even lie to me and tell me you have never felt that way. I guarantee everybody has. BUT. that is just one way to look at it. if you do look at it like that, then I can promise you that the relationship you think you have with them is going to be even less of a relationship than it is right now. your relationship with your family is definitely one that needs continual working on. love is an action. show your family that you love them. you may not always like them but the love your family has for each other covers that. work on your relationship with your family. put some effort into it. I can tell you one thing, you will find that there are no better friends than the ones in your family. I’m going to take this opportunity to brag on a few people in my family. my grandma, my mom and my aunt. my grandma passed away in 2007 but she made sure that our family worked at our relationships with each other. a lot of the reason my whole family is so close today is because of her. she helped make our family uniquely close. in fact, someone who knows my family- all 6 of us and my aunt, uncle and cousins- said “you guys are all the same. I mean you’re different but you’re all the same.” and it’s true. we are like that because we are so close. even though we’re scattered across NC, TN and PA, we have remained close. and apparently all still act the same:)  after my grandma passed away, my mom and my aunt continued on her legacy of family. today, they continue to instill the love of family into each one of us. and I think my cousins would say the same. I am so thankful for that. so work at loving your family. even the ones who are hard to love. put effort into those relationships. it will be worth it, I promise 🙂

the third one is friends. I have found that as I get older, relationships with friends become harder. I find myself wishing it was as easy as it was when I was 7 years old. but it’s not and I have had to accept that. we can’t just sit down with our gal pals and play Barbies and everything be fine. friendships now take intentionality. they take selflessness. they take sacrifice. to be honest, it’s hard to find those friends nowadays. and those kind of friends are rare. so when you find those friends or if you already have them, make sure you tell them how thankful you are for them. and make sure you are the same kind of friend. make sure you are intentional. make sure you are selfless and willing to make sacrifices. I will also say to be careful. don’t just be so desperate that you settle. don’t settle for the person who isn’t intentional, selfless or sacrificial. don’t settle for somebody who brings you down instead of building you up. and don’t settle for somebody who leads you away from the Lord instead of closer to Him. Jesus created us to exist together. He created us to want that relationship with others! but He doesn’t want you to settle either. so don’t. He’ll bring you those special friends and you’ll know it when He does. and again, for those of us who have these soul friends in our lives, make sure you let them know that they are loved and valued.

last but not least we come to the romantic part of relationships. I’ve only been in one relationship but I learned a lot. I’m no expert on this but I will share with you what I tell everybody who has ever asked me for relationship advice. first of all, as a girl, I know that the thought of having a boyfriend who tells you you’re pretty, buys you food and holds your hand is so great. but I also know that that fantasy can become an idol. I sincerely admire every high school relationship that has worked out. I think it is an awesome story to be able to tell your kids that you fell in love in high school and the rest is history. but let’s be real. a lot of high school relationships just end in heartache. to all you ladies out there: don’t just date around for the heck of it or just because all your girlfriends are doing it. and I will even go as far as to say this: you may really like the guy. and that is totally fine and wayyyyy normal. but if you’re young, don’t do it. don’t put a friendship at stake. don’t push away everybody else in your life that loves you just because of this guy. don’t risk giving your heart away just yet. see, us girls tend to pour all we have into relationships with guys. that’s part of our nature. but that’s where we have to be careful. so please be wise. wait. if a special guy comes along and you feel right about it (trust me, when it’s right it will feel absolutely right), then give it a go but do it with a purpose. don’t put your heart at risk. your heart is a very, very special thing and 5 different guys don’t deserve it. please girls, don’t give your heart away and don’t let the idea of dating become your idol. listen to those around you who love you and only want the best for you. be wise and seek the Lord when it comes to this.

well, there you have it! I hope all of this made some sort of sense to you guys and that maybe it helped or encouraged y’all. relationships are a tough thing but a beautiful thing. I would love any feedback from you guys on what you liked and didn’t like 🙂 thank you so much for reading this!



“How can there be a lesson in this?”

Hey guys, today I’m going to be talking about a topic any of us can relate to, but one that is oh so difficult to talk about. Today I’m going to be sharing my heart about losing someone you love. People hear me say I hate the month of February and I’ll give them a long list of reasons why; It’s cold, Valentines day is a stupid holiday, it feels like it never ends, I just want spring, etc. And while those are all accurate reasons why I hate the month of February they don’t make up the full picture. I really truly hate the month of February because on February 12th, 2013 I lost someone very special to me. Someone who had been there for me during my entire life, someone I trusted, someone I loved. It was sudden, so sudden, and my heart still hurts from it. You know how everyone says the pain lessens over time? Well it doesn’t. I think you just learn how to handle it better is all. In the beginning of this year I made a decision to find something good or some sort of lesson out of everything. But as February 12th approached I closed my eyes and told God “I can’t.” How do you make something good out of losing someone you loved, someone you miss so much it hurts some days??? How is there a lesson is that?? But as soon as I said ‘I can’t’ God told me “You can I still wasn’t convinced. “But there can’t be a lesson in this God.” I countered. “But there is.” was His simple reply. And then despite the pain, the lesson came to me. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Tomorrow isn’t promised. You’ve all heard this millions of times, so many times that I think we just brush it off like it’s nothing. But really let that sink it, truly think about it. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, tomorrow isn’t promised. And I’m not just saying that about your own life, but about those around you too. So don’t, don’t hesitate to tell someone you love them, don’t let anger keep you from giving them that hug or from telling them that they are important to you, don’t let fear keep you from sharing the truth with them. Because while you might live another seventy years, they might not. They could be gone tomorrow and all you’ll have left is the words you never said, the promises you never kept and the truth you never told. Loss is hard, whether it’s losing a pet to losing a parent, it is always hard and you will always miss them. But don’t add regret to it. Let me tell you from experience, it makes the load unbearable. But if you do have regrets, then don’t let them make you handicapped, don’t let them clip your wings but let them give you wings. Let them be the reason you reach out to people, the reason you are open and honest, the reason you hug and the reason you are kind. Regret is too heavy to carry around, so don’t do it. That’s not the life meant for you. Let it go. Go up on a mountain and scream all the things you regret out loud if you have to, but don’t keep holding onto it. And if you feel like you can’t let go, trust me, you can. If you feel like they’re holding you captive, let me tell you something: They’re not. Jesus took those regrets on the cross with Him and they died with Him, they can no longer hold us captive. Isaiah 53:4-6 says “Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”
So let them go, Jesus already took them to the grave with Him, you don’t have to hold on to them anymore.

“Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering……but he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

Instead of regretting what we didn’t do, love fully, forgive easily and live abundantly. Because like I said, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. So cry out to God, let him take your regrets and move on. Cry out to God regardless. He hears you. I’ll say it again; He hears you. And if you think for one minute God doesn’t understand loss please re-read the verse above. Who is it talking about? That’s right. Jesus. That verse is talking about His son. He understands what you’re going through. He understands the pain. He watched His son die, He sent His son to die. So trust me, He knows. He knows that loss is hard and painful, and in Psalms we have the promise that God can heal our broken hearts.

” The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” -Psalm 34:18

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3

And I’ll add one more thing to this blog; look around. If the loss of a loved one has you looking at the world and seeing nothing but darkness you must have sunglasses on. And as much as I love sunglasses I’m telling you to take them off. There is still so much beauty in this world, so much hope. All you have to do is open your eyes and take a look around. It’s right there in front you, in the people around you, in a single sunrise or sunset. Life goes on even if we don’t want it to and God is ready to take our hand and help us back up again. So take his hand, let him heal your heart, and live again.


rainy day adventures

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset rainy days. most rainy days are the days we choose to sit back and relax. cuddle up on the couch and watch Netflix. fall asleep to the steady pitter patter of the rain. make a batch of cookies while listening to your favorite song. or maybe we use those rainy days to get stuff done. clean your room. catch up on homework. check up on that person you’ve been meaning to get in touch with for the past 2 weeks. and while all of those are good things, sometimes, we can let rainy, dreary days get the best of us. we’ve been having a lot of rainy days here lately so yesterday, my sister and I decided to make the most of it. sometimes, you need to take those rainy/dreary days and get out in it. it’s honestly become one of my favorite things to do. so, let me tell you about our rainy day adventure yesterday 🙂

after church, Auburn and I hopped in the only vehicle we currently have to drive- our cute little white minivan haha 🙂 but in Auburn’s words “who cares that we drive a mini van? it just gives us room to haul around all our friends!” not gonna disagree with that! anyways, we drove the few minutes to downtown to explore our little town and snap a few pictures along the way! Auburn being Auburn, she knew exactly where she wanted to go and she led me straight to it. a cute little white wall behind one of our favorite cafes. I’m sure you can guess why we were back there. pictures of course! sometimes, it’s super fun to dress up, haul around your “mom bag” full of your hairbrush and different outfits and have a little photo shoot. and that my friends is exactly what we did. there was a break in the rain so it worked out perfectly. we walked all over our little town finding spot after spot to snap some shots. and if I would have had my Fitbit on, I would have definitely had my steps! Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

butttt, you can only take photos for so long, you know what I mean? that being the case, we went to McDonald’s, grabbed a Hot Fudge Sundae and headed to one of our favorite spots, Hamburg Mountain. even though it was cloudy and the rain was headed back in, it was a beautiful view. we literally stood there, eating our hot fudge sundaes, watching the rainstorm move in. and it was so cool. we laughed. we jammed out. we took goofy photos. we listened to the silence all the way up there. we stood and let the wind whip through our hair and let the raindrops begin to fall on our face. and we enjoyed every second of it. the rain began to fall harder so we hopped back into our rockin’ minivan and went to Lowes. wait a minute. hold up. Lowes? yes. Lowes. why? because my dear sister has a slight obsession with succulents and she wanted to get another one. so that’s what we did. and it was fun 🙂

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

so there you have it. that’s how my sister and I made the most of another rainy day. and if I could say anything about it, I would tell you that I loved yesterday. we didn’t have everything planned out. we just kind of decided what we wanted to do and then did it. we had fun with a few pictures, eating Hot Fudge Sundaes while watching a rainstorm move in and looking at succulents in Lowes. next time you have a rainy day, ditch Netflix and go on a spontaneous, rainy day adventure. trust me, it’s worth it 🙂


“But I can’t. I’m not good enough.”

How many times have the words “I’m not good enough” crossed our minds? How many times how we written those words or even spoken them out loud? Those words are our default. They’re what come out without thinking. They’re the words that follow “But I can’t.” “But I can’t I’m not good enough.” When God asked Moses to lead the Israelites out of slavery he replied with the same “But I can’t” default answer. But most of the time when  we say “But I can’t, I’m not good enough.” what we really mean is “I don’t think I can do it.” “I’m scared.” or even “I don’t want to do it.”. The thing is, is that God never tells you to do something that you can’t do. Never. He knows better than anyone what you’re capable of. He made you. So if you’re shy and you feel God telling you to ask that lady at the bus stop if she’s okay, then you can do it. If you are terrified of talking in front of people and he tells you to do that very thing, then you can do it. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” So even when we feel like we can’t do it, Christ can do it through us. All we have to do is let him. If you have truly handed your life over to Jesus than the words “I can’t” don’t apply to you anymore. And if you haven’t, then I encourage you to do so. It’s the most freeing thing I have ever done. Because now when the words “But I can’t. I’m not good enough.” start to form I can silence them with “I can. I am good enough.” One of my favorite verses is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 and it says “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

For when I am weak, then I am strong

Let those words sink in. We don’t have to be ‘good enough’. In fact I’ll go as far as saying we’re not and we never will be. But Christ is good enough, He is perfect and blameless and is able to do anything through us. So though this blog is short, it’s short because it’s so simple. Through Christ you can. Through Him you are “Good enough.”. Jesus Christ bled and died for you, and I’m not saying that because I heard it in Sunday school but because it’s the truth. He didn’t come down to earth to sight see and make friends. He came down to become a servant to us and more than that, to become the ultimate sacrifice. He came down to endure more pain and shame than you or I could even imagine. He came down so that we could be good enough. He came so that you and I would never have to utter those words again. He came and told us that through Him we can, that He is enough, that even though we are weak, He is our strength. He came to set us free from those words. He’s unlocked every set of chains, including the ones that deem us “Not good enough.” So take them off. Don’t allow them to dig deep blisters in your hands, throw them aside once and for all. Because through His eyes, you are enough. And through Him you can do it.


forgiving yourself?

when I think of the word forgiveness, I think of God forgiving me of my sins or me needing to forgive someone. while both of these are important when it comes to forgiveness, have you ever thought about forgiving yourself? so much emphasis is put on asking God to forgive you of your sins and making sure you’re forgiving those that have wronged you- whether they ask for it or not. so much that I think we forget another key ingredient to forgiveness. FORGIVING YOURSELF. that may sound easy. of course you can forgive yourself, right? I mean, that should be super easy. but when you reallyyyy think about it, it’s not all that easy. I’m one to beat myself up. I’ll feel so bad about something I’ve said or done and I’ll just keep thinking about it-even stuff that happened 6 months ago. “If I just wouldn’t have done this. If I just wouldn’t have been that stupid! I could have saved a lot of people, including myself, a bunch of hurt and heartache. What is wrong with you Hayden? You are such an idiot.” these are just a few of  the things that I tell myself- that I let the devil convince me of. there’s nothing wrong with feeling bad about something you’ve done. in fact, it’d be wrong if you didn’t. BUT. you have to forgive yourself. you can ask God to forgive you and tell Him how sorry you are all day long but until you forgive yourself, you’re still not going to feel right. I can say that from experience. it wasn’t until the other day during my devotion that this thought struck me. up until then, I’d just been daily asking God’s forgiveness. but I still didn’t feel free from it, you know? and then I saw these five words float across my page. Perhaps you cannot forgive yourself. and all of the sudden I realized that was it. that’s what I’m missing! but how? how the heck do I forgive myself? to be honest with you, I still haven’t quite mastered that. I still haven’t fully forgiven myself. but I can tell you a few things. you have to stop beating yourself up. you have to quite letting it define you and letting it keep you from the fullness of life. quite being so prideful about it and just get real. let the brokenness, the shame, the guilt and all the crap that’s inside you run its full course. stop holding on to it. then let God. let Him take that away from you. let Him renew you! let Him make you whole again. it won’t happen with a snap of your fingers and it won’t be the first time you have to do it. but it is something we have to do. we have to forgive ourselves. so I challenge you to do that. begin forgiving yourself 🙂